When coming to this lovestyle, a lot of times we imagine what would we want as an ideal poly situation coming in the door and make a checklist that often times gets longer and longer depending on whatever mishaps we encounter along the way. This is a habit that we’ve formed in the mono world that we must rid ourselves of if we want to grow in this lovestyle and create long-lasting bonds with real people instead of checklists.
If you can remember far back enough to when you first formed your ideal monogamous love what was that like? Did you dream of this idyllic perfect life where your significant other was one step short of being a Stepford wife or husband? Or for some, did you imagine being a princess with a prince coming to rescue you and live in a castle? Maybe not as extreme as these but we have all held fantasies about these types of things.
When we covet these fantasies, the real world will communicate to us that if we continue to hold on to these ideas of what we think we want often times then not, we end up slowly closing up our world to meeting others that may bring a little ‘unexpected texture’ to our lives .
Start by asking yourself “What kind of feelings or experiences would I like for a new person to show or bring out in me?”, or simply anticipate doing things with this new person that you currently enjoy like having the experience of feeling exhausted from talking all night till the sun came up, or learning something new together like how to play tennis, or another language, or doing something fun and simple like returning to your childhood by spending a windy afternoon making and flying kites together.
These little experiences slowly mold who we are, and make our otherwise ‘sidelined’ world become more animated and exciting. So put down the checklist for a moment when considering what you want in a relationship and try seeking out experiences rather than arrangements. Happy Holidays! LOVE>