by Lisa Young
“Hey girl, did you see the ridiculousness cousin *blank* wrote on FB?”
My first inclination when I read this text message was to ignore what “ridiculousness” my cousin had written on Facebook. Frankly, I couldn’t care less, especially from a cousin that I rarely see. It’s almost like someone saying, “Ewww, this tastes awful…taste it!”
Yet, on this particular day, I had a nagging feeling that maybe it was worth a look-see, so I did. There it was, suspended in cyberspace on my cousin’s page:
“To whom it may concern: I still love you but…
Polyamory is wrong!…BOOM…There…I said it!”
Huh?!!! I sat dumbfounded for several minutes, going over and over in my head all of the whos, whats, where’s, why’s, and how’s, this comment, in a public forum, about MY life, could be appropriate. Yes, I AM living an openly Polyamorous life, unapologetically; but I can’t say that I flaunt it. It’s more of a non-issue to me.
I wake up, take a shower, brush my teeth, feed the dog, give my husband and son a hug goodbye as I head off to work, and text my boyfriend a morning greeting as the car warms up. Thus begins my day. To me, it’s business as usual, rather boring actually.
But to others, well, who knows what torrid thoughts fester in those evil, idle, little minds? Thoughts that consume their pillow talk, and probably fuel their own mundane sex life, as they imagine the ferociousness in mine. I’m happy to be their living example of “50 Shades of Gray,” as long as they don’t turn around and judge me for what they consider to be a crime against morality. What gives someone the right to grab a bag of popcorn, some Milk Duds, park their lawn chair outside my bedroom window, and write a Facebook review on my love life?
Since that comment, it has come to light that my so-called loving family has had several other members exchanging the ubiquitous, thumbs up, “like” symbol, behind closed doors and in whispered conversations. I have discovered that it only takes one pass from the wolf to get the hens a-clucking in the hen house.
All of this truly puzzles me, considering that, aside from my great aunt and uncle (who are in their late 70’s), and my dad and stepmom (whose marriage is only 5 years longer than mine), we have the longest marriage in our family- almost 26 years.
Despite my lack of understanding as to why this is such a “Big F*cking Deal,” I have tried to come up with loving ways to address people’s ignorance of polyamory. I’ve found that the best way, and also the most obvious way, is to respond by being more loving. Love without judgment. Love without fear. The last time I saw this cousin, I gave her a huge hug and kiss in the middle of a party, not the customary hello or goodbye courtesy hug. I also planted a big fat kiss on her cheek and told her that I loved her. I did this because I realized that I had never told her that before.
I am able to do this, because living this authentically has made me happier, and more loving, than I’ve ever been in my life. Although it shouldn’t, this has bred a lot of jealousy and resentment in the lives of others. All I can do is love these people for who they are and hope that they find their own happiness in time; so they can stop focusing on judging me for mine.
So, to all the naysayers who find scandal in my loving committed relationships, have at it. It’s been fun living out your fantasies for you and giving you fodder for your otherwise boring lives. It truly amuses me that those that gossip the most, deep down inside…”Like” my status!
Written by Lisa Young
Edited by WritetoMind