by Ron Young
“When we are children, and we have a problem with someone, we get angry. For whatever reason, that anger pushes the problem away; we get the result we want. It happens a second time-we react with anger -and now we know if we get angry we push the problem away. Then we practice and practice, until we become masters of anger.
In the same way, we become masters of jealousy, masters of sadness, masters of self-rejection. All of our drama and suffering is by practice. We make an agreement with ourselves, and we practice that agreement until it becomes a whole mastery. The way we think, the way we feel, and the way we act, become so routine that we no longer need to put our attention on what we are doing. It is just by action-reaction that we behave a certain way.
To become masters of love, we have to practice love. The art of relationship is also a whole mastery, and the only way to reach mastery is with practice. To master a relationship is therefore about action. It is not about concepts or attaining knowledge. It is about action. Of course, to have action, we need to have some knowledge, or at least a little more awareness of the way humans operate.” – Don Miguel Ruiz ‘The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book’
It has been an entire year since ‘Black & Poly’™ first came into existence and we have come a long way in such a short amount of time and have done it with so much style, grace, and character. As one of ‘Black & Poly’s™ most esteemed board members, and a great colleague of mine, Mr. Kato Cooks, so eloquently stated; “Our community of group administrators, local coordinators, secretaries, editors, writers, board members, and group members, ensure that our community keeps growing and thriving by demonstrating amazing levels of excellence, dedication and commitment to educating and supporting. We have become the exemplar community.” I take pride in the fact that we ARE setting the standard for what a TRUE poly community should be.
Witnessing the everyday struggles of those in transition from monogamous to polyamorous ways of thinking and living, I’ve watched our community take on love, and the mastery of it, as if it were a religion in and of itself. Day after day, I am brought back to that excerpt from Don Miguel Ruiz that truly changed my life, and set my wheels in motion towards the path of abundant love, by simply observing members of ‘Black & Poly’ commit to constant daily practice towards TOTAL MASTERY OF LOVE, though very few have read this particular book. The fact that a community, such as ours, has so much dedication towards this goal blows my mind and leaves me awestruck.
It may sound hokey to some, but I believe that all of what we have done this past year, coming together as a family and community, is truly history in the making. The bonds that we have formed through our triumphs, and even our tragedy with the death of one of our beloved members, Medricks Hester, has drawn us even closer.
In the monogamous world, we’re taught from an early age that one day our prince, or princess, will come along and take away all of the ills and pangs of loneliness and suffering that we’re going through. This ONE PERSON will be our all; our everything. We will fall in love, and go off somewhere to live together as “one”. In this new place, within each other, we will find a new full-time lover, father or mother, brother or sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, friend, counselor, confidant, nurse, doctor, maid, mechanic, and everything else all wrapped up into one person. In essence, what we do in search of love in the monogamous paradigm is forsake community in hopes of finding that be-all, end-all, love, that we’ve been taught will arrive once we eschew ourselves from the inclusive way we’ve interacted with each other as children.
This diaspora from communal love, in search of monogamous love, is what I suspect may be the root cause of this depressive, suppressive, and oppressive condition that we’ve allowed ourselves to remain in since slavery. To see those in the ‘Black & Poly’™ community use one of the most powerful forces -Love– to bring about the social change that will set us free from the mental bondage that is destroying our families, destroying our communities, and destroying the love that we once had for each other encourages and excites me. I look forward to our next great year of Mastering Love within our ‘Black & Poly’™ community.
Thank you Family…for everything!