Hair? Check. Make up? Check. Outfit? Check. It’s Date Night and my wife is dressed to impress…however, she’s not going out with me (but I’m OK with that). Shortly after we transitioned into the poly lifestyle, she met a guy that piqued her interest (but I’m OK with that). There have been a few phone calls, a few texts, and now progressing on to a date (but I’m OK with that).
He shows up on time (Well played, sir. Well played). Although we have briefly spoken before, he chats me up while my wife gets herself ready to go. (I’m not buying the good guy routine; my wife is so naïve). As they head out the door to the car, we exchange playful valedictions:
Me: “You two have fun” (not really).
Him: “We will” (I bet)
Me: “Don’t be out too late” (Seriously, don’t be out too late)
Him: “I’ll have her back before 10” (We’ll see…and your clock…starts…now).
He opens the door for her (what is the deal with this guy?). He acknowledges me one last time as he heads back to his side of the car (I’m still not buying it, fella), and then off they go on their date (but I’m OK with that). I hope they have a great time (or he gets a flat tire, or bad service, or his card gets declined).
This isn’t so bad. Got my RedBox DVD, kids are in bed, cold beer in the fridge; yeah, I can handle this. By now they’ve probably made small talk the entire car ride to the restaurant (lies, all lies I bet) and laughed about this, that, or the other (just reeling her in bit by bit). We live pretty close to most places so they’re probably seated by now too. Anyway, it’s cool. I want her to be happy and enjoy herself (with me). The evening is still young, they’ll probably be back before I realize it; just food with friends.
Movie is over and I’m low on beer. I was going to run out real quick and return the movie but, she should be back here shortly. I’ll just wait until she gets here. Then she can tell me all about her date with Mr. Nice Guy, what she liked and didn’t like (mostly didn’t like, I hope). Yeah, they’ll be pulling up any time now.
Hmmm, they seem to be running a bit behind (LIAR!! I knew he was full of it). I’ll just grab another beer and wait up here by the door.
Is that… his car…. coming up the…. Nope. I have just realized that all car headlights look the same when you’re waiting for someone to pull up. I should call, just to make sure everything is ok. But I don’t want to hover. Never mind. I’m fine. She’s fine. They’re fine. Probably went out for a night cap somewhere and lost track of time (but I’m OK with that). I know; I could just send a text. Something short like, ‘How’s it going’? She’ll look at her phone, see the time, and realize that she needs to head home. You know what? Maybe her battery is dead; she’d never get the call or the text anyways. Dammit, I KNEW I should have reminded her to take her charger. I bet he asked her to turn her phone off…so they wouldn’t be interrupted (this guy is really starting to get under my skin). Nope. Gotta get it together. She’s grown. She doesn’t have a curfew. I need another beer.
OK, WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY? This has got to be the longest first date in history! I mean, c’mon! You’ve talked on the phone, you’ve sent texts, and talked in the car…what else could you possibly have to say? You just met the guy! Is he THAT interesting that you can’t find a stopping point? You know it’s those nice guys that people never suspect until it’s too late. Folks being interviewed always say “He was so nice; I never thought he’d be capable of doing anything like this”. That’s it for me! I’m calling, and if she doesn’t answer her phone I’m…. wait. Is that?… Yep, looks like someone is pulling into the driveway. I’ll just supervise this through the curtains.
He gets out and goes to open her door. They walk up to the house still talking and laughing (does this guy EVER shut up?). She gives him a hug, he heads back to his car and then she comes inside. She’s safe and happy. And I’m OK with that.