By Still Eyerise
Christmas Eve, she busies herself preparing the turkey and making cheesecakes.
She wraps presents.
“Yay, a text! Hmm, not him, but he’s nice.” Back to wrapping family gifts, she remembers she hasn’t checked Facebook in a few hours. Logging in, she notices there are a few inbox messages.
- Hi Sis, how are you? Hope you have a nice Christmas. (reply: I’m good. You too, baby.)
- Hi Sis, what are you cooking? (The same stuff from Thanksgiving. These girls of mine are so picky!)
- Hey Sis, how are you feeling with this being your first Christmas without the ex? (Lonely, but pressing through.)
- Gurl, I wish you could be here and show me how to cook this damn dressing!(That’s exactly what I would have to do, because I do not have written recipes. lol)
- Just saying HI, and Merry Christmas! (Hi, & Merry Christmas, to you too!)
She is a Polyamorous, heterosexual, female; YET she is not acknowledged as a spouse or significant other by anyone. While this sounds a bit depressing, the truth is, she is not alone. She has love interests. Their names are, “Mr. Checking-Her-Out”, “Mr. I-Really-Only-Want-One-Thing”, & “Mr. I-love-you-BUT.”
Let’s start with “Mr. Want-One-Thing”, he is quite the charmer, quite handsome, creative, and can be so much fun. He will wine and dine her; spend time chatting on the phone, by text and even on Facebook. This guy is so smooth he openly acknowledges her, so there is a great confidence that she is no secret and that he really likes her. However, when it all boils down, this person is a social butterfly and not very interested in commitment, he really just wants one thing. One thing could be sex. It could be to add to his numbers; challenging himself to see what can be handled. Whatever the case is, he really only wants “one thing” not the whole package. This person is not horrible. He is just not what she is looking for. So, she feels lonely, even though she is not alone.
Then there is, “Mr. Checking-Her-Out”. He is brand new. This guy is challenging because, he wants to know details about her, though she is a very private person, especially since being stalked twice (pre-poly different story). So, now, she has to gauge quickly how much to share, and how soon. How much should she allow this person to truly know her without being unsafe, but also giving the opportunity a fair chance? This dance leaves her drained, and often unsettled, because one just never knows if, or when, Mr. “Coo-Coo” (distant cousin to all of these guys) will show up (he never announces his visits).
Yet, she is hopeful. This could be the one or one of the ones!
*roll eyes* “Dammit! Hi, Mr. Coo-Coo! I was just leaving … OR Mr. Checking-Her-Out keeps checking,… and they keep dancing.
While the conversations are great, she is still lonely…but, not, necessarily, alone.
Finally, there’s “Mr. I-Love-You-But”.
This guy is someone she has invested time, opened up, trusted and gotten to a place of comfort, as has he. This guy is someone who can truly “get it” and “get it all!”
However, with “Mr. Love-You-But” there is always some kind of obstacle. These obstacles are NEVER the size of pebbles. She wishes they were, but they’re not.
This guy is the most challenging, because she allows herself to love him, even with the obstacles.
Does she wait them out? Does she offer solutions? Does she shrink back? Does she disappear? She has tried it all.
Mr. Love-You-But does not acknowledge Birthdays, Christmas or even initiate contact, unless he is with his friends, Mr. Checking or Mr. One-Thing. Mr. But is the one who is loved the most, but is there the least. She knows that one day he, they, will realize, if they want a true “love without limits”, they’ll need to leap over every boundary, like a strong and determined superhero.
So, while this is the story for many Single Polyamorous persons, regardless of gender, the question is, what’s next?
Her solution was to love herself.
She learned to create boundaries with Mr. Checking. She has found joy in exchanging childhood stories, discussing current affairs, and general day to day tasks.
She accepted that Mr. One-Thing is a nice guy who is quite comfortable doing one thing with her; so she goes to an occasional movie with him. Its a win-win of great company and a great movie, no ties.
Mr. Love-You-But is the hardest. She has had to release him. She looks forward to his return as “Mr. Love-Without-Limits”.
So you see, she is lonely…but not alone.
This is a season. Seasons are temporary, and passing.
The balance is in creating boundaries that still leave you open to limitless love. Balance is everything!
She wanted to have a superhero, so she became one!
By Still Eyerise
edited by WritetoMind